Hope Through Brokenness: “The Lullaby” (Track 6)

Hope Through Brokenness: “The Lullaby” (Track 6)
Blog Post by Kurt Scobie
October 9, 2012
www.kurtscobie.com/blogs

Here we are! The final post in the 6-part series of blogs. Thanks to all who have hung in there. I appreciate your tolerance for my ramblings on this platform. I consider it a privilege. Thank you.

So... “The Lullaby”. I wrote this song for my daughter, Bella Grace, as my wife and I were anticipating her arrival. Many of you know the story. I never had the chance to sing this song to her as she was stillborn at 24 weeks.

I think about her every day and look forward to singing this song to her, one day, in heaven.

I can see it in your eyes
This world has worn you down today
Come and rest in my arms tonight
I will stay

One of the most interesting things about being a songwriter is the way your songs evolve over time. Not just during the process, but even months or years after writing, some songs gain new meaning. This song has changed for me. What was intended to be sung as a lullaby over my little girl, has now been sung over me. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I was listening back to this song and it hit me. Just as I longed to sing this over my child, God longed to sing the same over me.

Lay your head upon my heart
That’s where I’ve held you today
And where we’ll never be apart
Come and stay

I miss her. That might be hard to understand if you’ve never gone through anything like this, but it is a true feeling. Believe it or not, you can miss something you’ve never had. You can miss someone you’ve never met. “Come and stay” is a call out to Bella. I wish she could somehow, someway, come and just be with me. If you are a parent, you understand how much holding your child is comforting to YOU, not just to them.

From when you fall
To when you wake
I will stay right here
Your fears to take
And when you call
When you arise
I will be your all

Being a parent makes you feel needed/wanted like never before. I understand this song in a new way, now that my son Judah is here. I want to be his “all”.

I will wipe away your storms
Just as I’m calming all your fears
Here is everything you need
Come and be

Every time I get to this part, “Here is everything you need”, the question “Why, God?” always surfaces in my mind. It probably always will.

Most of the anger surrounding this whole event has passed, but there is still hurt. There is still discomfort. Here I am, one year later, and I just struggle with it.

As the river fills the sea
So my love flows for you
And it’s a steady, mighty stream
Come, dream

My love for Bella reaches into eternity. I hope she knows the love I have for her. I hope she senses that love, wherever she is, in her heavenly home. She is still mine. She will always have my love.

My friend Andy has been working on a personal project, “Marked”, that highlights different people and their stories behind their tattoos. His blog OneNineImages will soon have photos of my tattoo and tell Bella’s story. You’ll be able to check it out here: http://www.onenineimages.com.

Thanks for reading.

-Kurt

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